festive refelction.

In case you missed it Lydia is FELLING FESTIVE. I’m also a mess so fun fact the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

December is a major prep month for me. It makes no sense to me that people get to January with the expectation of something new while walking in the same behaviors. So November is usually super reflective for me as I move into the new year.

Some things aren’t new but these are some 2020 takeaways:

- I don’t know how to REALLY be excited about things. It terrifies me.

- Pain doesn’t always call for immediate retreat

- I do a terrible job of managing the things that matter to primarily me

- Moving without any attached expectations of myself is the most free I’ve ever felt in my dancing body.

- I never disliked people. It just feels safer to live that way.

- Living in community makes me feel like I’m allowed to mess up, drop the ball, make stupid choices and be human without beating myself up. Reminds me of GRACE

- My obsession with having to understand everything can make those I love feel judged under my microscope and that’s not okay.

- Being taken care of is one of my love languages not just taking care of others.

- The affects of fatherlessness show themselves in the most random ways and is definitely why I refuse to ask for help unless absolutely necessary at home improvement stores... or ever... kk. byeee.