Wild Bodies

The body is a wild thing.

As disciples, we’re often told that it’s a thing to be subdued, tamed.

I would beg to differ.

I spent the vast majority of my youth training to subdue my body to my will. To strengthen and stretch to achieve super human virtuosity while maintaining the mysterious grace befitting the members of the community that call themselves, dancers. The first 7 years of my dance training were really hard for me. I was strong and very capable but I had no idea. I was learning in various spaces that required me to work hard, to be fast, to be sharp. I struggled, because it wasn’t natural to me, to my body. That’s not to say that I didn’t benefit from that hard work but, I plateaued with no view of me reaching new heights. I didn’t know that my strength as a mover resided in my ability to move efficiently, organically, to follow my breath, the creasing of my hips and the cradle of the floor. I never knew just how intuitive my body was. How caring for and being attentive to it’s whims would lead me to access more strength, more rotation, and more range of motion. I learned to listen to my body and let it lead me to clarity.

The sin that our flesh craves can be informative if we let it. If we remember in our neediness to turn to the Holy Spirit, that moment of concern or temptation can become one of revelation. I want to suggest that as you navigate the rest of this week and you find the body God gave turning on you, that you would take a moment to ask what could be the cause and how could it be indicative of what your heart energy and mind should be turned toward.

I am navigating a 10 day period of fasting. Typically, I wouldn’t share this but it’s relevant to the conversation so bare with me. On the first evening of the fast I was washing dishes and a familiar song began to play in my mind. “Call to the nations, a desperation cry,” Is what I heard. As I began to sing the song I was transported in time. The dancer’s siren call is a song previously danced to. With muscle memory etched into our beings, moving is often impossible to avoid. I turned on the recording and as I moved I was, as I have recently often been, struck by the freedom I feel in movement at this stage in life and some pieces fell together. Movement for me was never a fun past-time. My first experiences with dance were in a ministry capacity and I took that very seriously— I still do.

The problem, however, was that I never thought that I was enough. My prayer was that I would always be completely removed and that God be seen. I was so far removed from the fact that I was an image bearer regardless of my shortcomings. This lead me to chase a God-like perfection that ultimately would keep me in my head and never fully in my body. I couldn’t even take a class without the fear that I wouldn’t show up as a good enough reflection of the Glory of God. As I reflected on this freedom further I had to laugh at how ridiculous I was. I was asking God to use the body he gave me as if I had any control over the matter.

As I look back now, when I see of my greatest physical triumphs they were in moments which I simply released control and just moved. The intentionality of movement as warfare was always easy for me but moving as worship, I think, has required a longer learning curve. I am really proud of myself. SO, added to the list of fasty things is movement. Carving out time to to revisit that thing that was never mine to manage but mine to simply return.