love is a scary thing.

Love is a scary thing. To love is to be vulnerable. Since 2018 I have been fervently praying for the fear of love to be removed from me and I think only this past month did I figure out how deep the root of this fear has gone.

For those of you who don’t know, my mother was widowed when I was two years old and my father died. I have watched the scar that a lost love can leave. In a semi-recent conversation with my mother, I spoke aloud something I had only recently begun praying about in private. My fear that after years of waiting, I would be found by my husband, find a forever friend, fall in love, become one, only to then have him taken away from me. Lurking behind every secret, cheery fantasy of laughter, companionship, an emotional intimacy mimicking that of the Savior and His bride, is the fear that it will be all for naught and that in an instant I will be alone...again.

Because of our sinful nature, love sometimes seems like a cruel tool used to accomplish the will of our Father. Much like the armies of Babylon in their conquering of the Israelites, love can plunder leaving what feels like only destruction and pain without the remembrance of the promises already made to us. Shoutout to you, Holy Spirit for those reminders. 😌

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No moral of the story here. Just, love is hard y’all and there is ALWAYS heart work to be done significant other or not. (Especially for a reformed emotion hoarder like me.) Happy Valentines Day. Love you. 💕 *inserts the dab emoji that we, for some reason, still don’t have. 🙄*