misprioritized mindlessness.

Sometimes it’s easier (for me at least) to fill the empty spaces with everything else besides what is actually sustaining. Sin will always be easier than sanctification, HOWEVER, once you’ve tasted one, the other never sits quite right.

Social media, the scrolling not the creating, often paints itself as the easier way for me to decompress. I get to be mindless and consume. To be mindless, for me is a great joy. A great relief. Those who know me even a little know my favorite thing to do is sleep. Has been since infancy. (My mother was a spoiled 1st time mom and in no way prepared for that Madison kid when she got here). Sleep, the one time of day when my mind that is always running, processing, storing bits of unnecessary information, observing, deconstructing, even when I’m not choosing to, gets to stop. The problem lies in the times when I prioritize those mindless moments that make me comfortable over the discomfort of approaching God in prayer or the unnatural deconstruction of the word. Unnatural on account of this divine and holy text carrying truth so against my sinful nature that it takes a whole Holy Spirit, maybe a few translations and a concordance or two to even scratch the surface of all it has to offer. The craziest part about all of this is that those hard unnatural things are so life giving that I can’t even be mindless without thinking about what I’m missing.

Since I’ve moved in with my mom while apartment hunting, I often find it easier to forgo my life giving habits for the habits that just fill the void. I don’t do well with things I can’t control lol so this has been my response to living with them again. Easier doesn’t mean better, definitely not sustainable, and right now when the internet, the world, wants to keep telling you to prioritize you, to listen to you, make sure you stay prayed up against false propaganda wrapped up in talks of self care and healing. (Rest, yes. But our feelings are deceitful bro be careful 👀). When things are healing they are usually uncomfortable. Anyways... My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.✌🏽